“We are such stuff…”

Rambings of an obsessive dreamer.

Archive for April, 2010

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Day 14: Little Love Letters

Filed under: Writing — t @ 10:52 am

If I had class with you,
If I had math with you oh so many years ago,
I would have looked at you but only in glances,
In tiny peeks so you wouldn’t notice.

See, math you would have paid attention to,
So all the adoration I was not giving the formulas,
The steady flow of x and y on the board,
I would have shifted to you.

Notebook open, pen scribbling doodles,
Vines intertwined with meaningless curves,
But my gray eyes would slip upward,
Watching as you listened.

Childish ways would convince me,
That you were just too cool,
What could I even articulate,
And not sound as foolish as I felt?

My notes would fill with images,
Fantasies of what we might be,
Margins dripping with metaphors,
And the letters of your last name.

My poems would have been too sweeping,
Full of movie lore and stories.
My nature would have been too shy,
In the glare of your intelligence.

If I had class with you,
If I had algebra with you oh so many years ago,
I would have written you love notes,
That your earthen eyes would not have seen.

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Day 6 - Things that Haven’t Been Said Outloud Because They are the Truth and not the Truth at All

Filed under: Writing — t @ 1:54 pm

I changed the plan for my future to accommodate where you want to be,
But really I just flowed like water through this life,
And it’s my fault that now my dreams hide,
Under the bed at night.

Always too much,
too many
little work tasks,
promises made,
desires unfulfilled,

Blue sky sleeps under the ocean at depths we cannot reach in the dark,
And there are dreams of keys on silvered, thin chains,
Brushing where my mouth wants to be,
Kissing soft skin.

Never enough,
too little
long deep kisses,
promises kept,
lightening bugs,

This desire to create beauty and change will never budge,
Heart sizzling like solar flares on the surface,
Stretching out where wings should be,
Pushing into flight.

Comments (1)

Day 5 - Regret?

Filed under: Writing — t @ 5:45 pm

Which one of us is lying?
The one who says they regret nothing?
Or the one who says they regret choices?

See my question lies in the fact that in anything you have a choice,
Any moment at all in your life,
You have to choose.

How do you make the one that leaves no regrets?

If you make the choices or if you even chose not to choose,
You are still making a decision and if that happens,
There is the possibility,

What dinner to eat, what movie to see, what book to read…
What if fast food and fresh food appeal to your senses?
“Contact” or “A Beautiful Mind” changes your point of view?

What coffee to drink, what car to drive, do you own or rent…
What if you don’t mind supporting Starbucks but you like a French Press?
Honda is reliable but Ford is American made?

Do all these little moments add up?

There is still this question, while my life is mostly young,
Because right now I don’t regret my choices,
Only that I could,
If I

What school to go to, what life to lead, which career to pursue…
What if there is more than one thing that makes you happy?
Harvard or Yale but they both would have made your life?

Where to live, who to love, do we have children or not…
East coast or west coast but they both have oceans?
Men or women but they both make you come?

Does it all come down to where the sun rises?

So I have a question, about which one of us is lying,
Because I want to know the secret to living my life,
Then lying on that bed,
Alone or with family,
Trying to figure out,
If I

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Day 4 - I Should Listen and Listen Again

Filed under: Writing — t @ 11:35 pm

Narcissistic nightmares where I stand on the white,
Feet pressed to the cool of the machine,
And the numbers tick, tick, tick upwards and I feel the panic rise,
I wake up and check then check again to make sure,
It was just a dream.

Familiar feelings where I hate the shape I am,
Hands touching all the parts I need to fix,
And the loathing shift, shift, shifts around until I feel the despair,
I turn away and dress then dress again to make sure,
Still better than before.

Repeated remarks where the young girl voices reach my ears,
Heads cocked to the side judging themselves,
And the dissatisfaction grow, grow, grows with them as they age,
I feel a sorrow then conclude and conclude again to make sure,
They can’t see the pattern.

Viral visions where women should look a certain way,
Bodies glossy like magazine covers,
And the reality lie, lie, lies to us all about what exists,
I think we should teach and teach again to make sure,
Starving is not healthy.

Positive pressure where we inspire to eat right,
Stomachs filled with fresh food not fast,
And the change spread, spread, spreads over time as we grow,
I know we should learn and learn again to make sure,
Fit and real is better than fantasy.

Comments (2)

Day 3 - If I Wrote You

Filed under: Writing — t @ 11:45 pm

If I wrote you a letter,
You know the old fashioned kind on paper,
The kind that soaks up perfume off the wrist of a girl…

If I wrote you a letter on actual paper,
Paper milled and pressed from tress,
Or maybe paper from materials reused all crinkled and soft…

If I wrote you a letter on soft grained crinkled paper in pen,
Pen pushing actual words in my hand writing,
A pen with ink, perhaps India ink or sepia ink or in calligraphy…

If I wrote you a letter on soft grained crinkled paper in pen with India ink,
Filling one side slowly with thoughts scratched out,
Writing front to back so you have to turn the pages…

If I wrote you a letter on soft grained crinkled paper in pen with India ink pages filled so you have to turn them,
And the scent from my soft, pale skin left trails among the words,
Something light with orange flower or freesia…

If I wrote you a letter on soft grained crinkled paper in pen with India ink pages filled so you have to turn them and the orange flower lifted upward…

Could you feel me there under your fingertips?

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